WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The special counsel investigating January 6th has received a letter from Mike Pence indicating that a person named Mother will not permit him to testify.

Mother, who is believed to be Pence’s wife, Karen, was “hopping mad” when he received a subpoena from the special counsel’s office, the letter revealed.

“When I told her I better go testify, Mother said, ‘Mike, are you some kind of idiot?’ ” the letter read. “ ‘What if you’re interrogated by a woman lawyer, and you’re alone in a room with her? Women are lawyers nowadays.’ ”

Pence recognized that refusing to testify could result in his being imprisoned, but added, “Mother said that as long as there are no women in the prison, she’s fine with that.”